ASK ME ANYTHING YOU WANT!

Just Checking...

Wed, 7 Jul 2010 11:44:46 -0400

QUESTION:

Hi Claudia,
Just checking to see if you still use this site.?????

Julie

ANSWER:

Dearest Julie,

A day does not go by... nay, a MINUTE does not go by without me checking this site for updates. Thank you for asking the first question since December 5th, 2009. Your name will be logged in the great book of friends.

PS: Feel free to ask me any question about life so that I may solve it for you.

C.

Confusing Question

Sat, 5 Dec 2009 11:19:01 -0500

QUESTION:

What are you doing for your birthday?

ANSWER:

Due to the fact that this question is being asked BY Claudia on Paul’s computer and the fact that I’m (Paul) am answering this question, AND the fact that our birthdays are in the same week, I’m not sure who is asking the question and which birthday is being referenced. I’m sure that you, as an audience can see my dilema. This will be the first question I will ever skip.

C.

Burger Habits:

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0500

QUESTION:
Claudia,
I noticed you eating a big fat burger!!! Is that your usual Big Mac???
Julie Skarja

ANSWER:
How’d you like a big fat LIP?!?!?
C.

I Gotta SPACESHIP In My Backyard!

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0500

QUESTION:
Hey Claudia,

WTF? I guess I’m stuck with the clean up right? Can you do a little digging for me and see what the salvage rights are, when you’re involved in an intergalactic accident? I mean it’s on my property, that’s mine right? Ray guns and all.
If you use this letter, call me
Alien lover

ANSWER:
GOOD HEAVENS! Well Alien lover, it seems as though you’ve gotten yourself into quite a pickle! Luckily ‘salvage rights’ are my forte.

Now... when it comes to salvaging, there are two types as my memory serves, contract salvage and pure salvage. Contract salvage occurs when a contract is made prior to commencement of salvage operations, the amount of compensation is fixed and the salvor is paid regardless of whether the salvage is successful or not. Now here’s where YOU’RE involved ‘Alien Lover’... When a ship (and that includes as SPACEship) or boat has been rescued or salvaged without prior agreement between the owner and salvor or an agreement is made but not for a fixed amount, this is known as pure salvage. In this case the salvor can legally claim recompense or a salvage claim.

Now, as you can obviously see, your category falls into the non-contractual pure salvage territory, and due to the failure of vehicle ownership by a no-show of the spaceship’s captain, all the technology and whatever else can be salvaged from the ship are yours.

Now A.L. here’s the big but (there’s always a big butt)... by the photograph, I can obviously see that this is a Class Seven Tralfalmadorian craft (I know you’re familiar with the Tralfalmodorians from the works of Mr. Kilgour Trout, yes?). As I’m well you’re aware, this specific class of spaceship is highly radioactive and I’m quite sure that as I type this, you’re most likely already dead. You really shouldn’t have stood so close to the vehicle for that picture you or your wife (also dead by this point) took. My best regards and I hope you had a good life.

C.

Bored In Burlington

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:05:50 -0500

QUESTION:

Missus Claudia’s
Where should I go on my Honeymoon?
Have you been anywhere you could recommend?
Someplace romantical?

Sincerely

Bored in Burlington

ANSWER:

OH MY! I’m so excited. The ball has really been tossed onto the fairlane as they say! OK, let me grease up my pencil and kick into this little huckaboo right away!

First of all, I’d like to thank ‘Bored In Burlington’ to send me a picture of himself for my fellow websitians to get a good look at the kind of person who asks me for advice.

OK THEN... here we go. So ‘Bored’, you’re going to be having a honeymoon soon? Wow, I can’t wait to meet your significant other whomever he/she may be. May I throw THIS down your shirt and pat your chest? HAWAII (or as the locals call it, ‘How-are-ye’). This little archipelago is a real swingin’ time! It’s got everything you need. Romance, beaches, coconuts, American navy-boys, and FISHING (my personal favourite). I would suggest you check out the island of Oahu for it’s kick-ass beach in Waikiki. Those crazy Hawaiian bastards really know how to throw down a spread (or LUOW as they call it).

Perhaps if you get married, there could be an invitation in the mail for ME, yes? I love weddings. Next to fishing, they’re the perfect occasion to celebrate with the one you love.

C.

The Official Launch of ‘Ask Claudia’!

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 00:12:28 -0500

    Well today’s the first day of the launch (or should I say ‘RE-launch’?) of ‘Ask Claudia’. I can’t wait to start fixing all of you with my amazing advice. If you thought that my advice from paulbrown.ca was good, just wait ‘till I blow your mind away with my NEW advice!

    As I sit here in Paul’s Office, I can’t stop thinking about how awesome 2008 is going to be. I gotta lot of things on my plate, but my New Year’s Resolution is keep on helping people through the power of sound advice.

    OK PEOPLE, HIT ME UP WITH YOUR QUESTIONS!!!

C.